I’m not mean…

People really don’t get me. It’s so annoying wanting to be a friend and no one really understanding what that means for you. All friends should respect the other’s views, feeling and spirit. My spirit is very sensitive and I can not be around all types of people. I will become literally sick being around negativity. I let people know when I can’t take anymore of the gossip or complaining or just bad mouthing life, like there is no God. If they are the kind that would be offended I simply talk to them less often. God extends his grace everyday and people rather focus on their struggles. I hate to hurt people’s feeling, I just ask that you respect mine. I am naturally a healer, I want to help everyone feel better and do better, but I can’t. I can’t if they choose to have a closed mind, I can’t if they can’t change perspectives, I can’t if they want the pity party, I can’t if they refuse to help. I’ve heard a ton of people say I was mean. I can see why they would feel that way but I hate hearing that with a passion. I am the person who says something 5 times and realize nobody understood, heard or cared. It’s only when I need something to be known and it’s been said before that I become very straight forward. I do change my tone sometimes, other times I say it jokingly but you can tell I’m serious. I know that seems assholish, but so ignoring someone. I don’t get the same respect as others and I’m not sure why but I won’t ever be okay with it. I will not continue to be called mean or get ignored. I will simply cut you out of my life. I try to focus on how I can help someone and if I don’t have the skill set, I won’t even try. My friends get me what I need just like I do for them, so no one is just taking in the relationship. That’s the only kind of friendship I desire.

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I can remember the first time I was raped by a boyfriend. That’s when I developed a love and hate relationship with sex. This wasn’t like the time my crazy ex made me have sex with him in drive way because when we were young I said I would have his baby. No this was a lot different, this actually broke my heart. I mean I said I loved him and I was so good to him. He was mean at times but I thought he cared about me. The day I was mad at him and told him no, I figured out that wasn’t true. Of course I didn’t ever bring it up but I was crushed. I told him no and he pushed me and drug my in the hall. He had sex with me and it was painful. I didn’t scream out loud but I was screaming inside and I was burning inside. I was dying inside. I never realized that moments like those went to back of my mind but my body sure remembers. One moment can affect forever.

Life is so all over the place. I feel personally attacked as a woman, a wife, and a mother. I feel like this is best time in my life oddly enough. I feel like I am being made strong and receiving the reassurance I need. I have never in my life felt so good about the decisions I make as a woman, a mother and a wife. When most people would break down I found confidence in who I am. I have always tried to give my full self in everything, especially involving my family. That is the one thing that matters at the end of the day. Nothing in the world is more important. Some how this is exact what is needed. I am here for it God. Yes, I’ve postponed a lot of personal goals but none of that means anything without my family being okay. I’ve always prayed against the storm but this is just what I needed to get myself together. I know that I lacked the confidence to being the best I can be, but I’ve found it!! My husband is a lucky man, because I will be whatever he needs. My children are lucky because I will always back them and show them they can always be themselves.  I am a great woman who is making a difference and does make the world better. I am all the God wants me to be and bigger then I’ve ever imagined.

Put it in his hands…

When you don’t know how to help someone you love it’s heart breaking. When you have to leave the situation completely up to God it’s completely scary and it shouldn’t be. That is best place for any situation because I know I can mess some stuff up. Only God can change hearts and minds. We can try to bring someone peace but that’s not our place or responsibly. If we find these things in someone it’s only temporary because people are temporary. We can not give any one person that kind of power. Only person that can handle that power is God. Don’t worry yourself to death about things that you feel like you should control because most of this(life) is bigger then us.

FOOD

You know the feeling when you been running around all day and you finally get a chance to sit. The empty feeling in the pit of your stomach is saying you need to get back up you missed something. You are starving! I get this feeling all the time, I love to eat. I don’t mean physically I mean spiritually. I sit down at the end of a day and feel so hungry. I did all that I did and my spirit is on empty. All that running around and still feel like you got nothing accomplished. When throughout the day did I consult with God about the situation? Did I read my daily scripture so that in my decisions I would ask myself is that godly? What did I let persuade me today? What did I eat and who did I eat with? Who called to gossip and complain with me, who spirit took a part in my day? There are so many influence’s in the world around us, and we pay them no mind. Our mind is paying them tho because we hear you and see you. Without us trying our minds and spirits are taking notes. Teaching us how to feel and how to react to certain situations. If that’s all the food we eat that’s all we have.  So why not start the day with something that can hold you through out the day. Breakfast is the most important meal of day. So get full! Listen to inspiration podcast, read your daily bread, write down what your grateful for… If you need a snack before your next good meal just say a quick prayer. Check and make sure what your eating is fueling you. Food is one thing you can’t live without so don’t forget to eat.

My Piercing

On July 17th I left work with a Migraine. It was hard for me to concentrate on driving. I was nauseous and dizzy, hot and my eyes were glazing over. I had to pray so hard to make it to get my baby and go home. Once I got to him his sweet teacher seen how miserable I looked and offered me nausea medicine. I had been taking migraine meds (homeopathic) all day. Nothing usually works this time of the month. Nobody but God made the medicine work as fast as it did. Because it took the edge right off. We made it home safely and I got straight in the bed and stayed there until that night. When I woke I could still feel the lingering feeling of a migraine and I had my husband take me to get the Daith Piercing. I’ve heard about it and looked it up but I kept putting it off. I was not waiting anymore. I will admit I was hopeful but still doubtful. Well I didn’t have to be because it was everything I hoped for. I’ve only had it 2 days now but I feel so much better. This is usually my most crucial headache time and I feel great. Placebo effect my butt!! I am so grateful and I recommend it to anybody suffering from migraines. Bonus, it is a very cute piercing and it did not hurt when I got it.

Super Happy

You ever just wake up Super Happy. Like then you got up on some real inspirational stuff. Today if you need a word of encouragement call me. Anybody from anywhere because life is good right here right now. I can do anything right now, start my book, start a yoga class, all of it. This is the new joy I’m seeking every morning. I’m gonna wake up and smile, kiss my babies and decide this is close enough to perfect. Surround yourself with beautiful things and beautiful people. Treat your body to a workout, a stretch,some meditation. Find out what it takes to reach those goals and take the first step. Go ahead and accept that invitation to go hang out with some new folks. Kiss your kids and much as you like, teach them to be happy and to have fun. Don’t let things you can’t control have your attention. Do all that you can and nothing more. Don’t please everyone please who is necessary. Don’t allow dark spirits to dim you but you to lighten them. Call your friends on your lunch break and laugh, or make a date to go dancing. Be focused and don’t give up. Keep pushing your way to the top or build a new top. Be Super Happy!