Running From Me!

It’s crazy that at the snap of a finger or a mention of a word I go from confident to completely insecure. I can be completely sure of myself and then run into somebody who decides not to like me and I shut down. I know that I am qualified to do things but I hate being in charge. I pull back in situations I know I should be dominating in. I don’t know how to just stay in my confidence and just do me the best way I know how. I find myself over thinking and falling into depression again and again because I can’t figure me out.I just want to be all things good and have it together. Looking in the mirror has never been a problem because I always recognize my down falls, how to fix those is another issue.  I have these scary dreams about me being attacked by me and it’s so clear what the message is. I woke up from a dream this morning that scared the crap out of me. My husband was did not want me around him in that dream and part that was the scariest part. Am I running him away in real life?  Ya’ll know that I’m panicking now, cause I can’t do that. So what now? My brain needs rewiring. My focus needs to be on using my strengths so they will continue to be my strengths and work on my weaknesses. I need God to speak to me and clarify the path. I need to do things that can keep me confident, learning new skills and taking refresher courses. I guess I just camp up with a solution.

About the Author

I am always looking on the bright side, sometimes it feels like there isn’t one.

I have anxiety issues that I am currently working through.

I love to dance but I really can’t dance as good as I do on the inside.

I love people but most of the time I pretend not to, those are my own issues not theirs.

I love love love my family, it’s all I ever wanted. (minus the kids…omg just kidding my kids are the bomb!)

I research a lot of things and them mash the ideas together and make it my own. #thatsnotwhatitsaid

I love child development, but come on these kids need to be popped sometimes. #sorrynotsorry

I love Books!! Action/Thriller/Romance/Christian/Self Help/Erotica/Sci Fi

I love to play (role play/outside on the swing/in mud)

I’m way to sensitive and empathetic.

I love fairies and yes they are real.

I have the key to happiness and I want to share.

When people don’t match my vibe I tend  to stay away.

I am passionate about my beliefs but I never disrespect anybody else’s.

 

 

I can’t Commit

I can’t commit to this blog. I’m not ready to offend people and for people to see themselves through my eyes. I honestly don’t even want them to see that what they did had any affect on me. I’ve forgiven every wrong ever done to me and I’ve forgiven myself for all the things I did. I’m okay with the truth and everything that lead me here but I know others involved are not. I could tell so many stories, but every time I get close I go back and erase it.  What really can I do?